Finding Calm

What happens when someone says to you, “Calm down” and you are not in best of your moods ? It simply means something else at that moment, its actually more agitating and takes the mind further away from calm. Finding calm when things are not going well on someone’s command actually comes across as condescending or snobbish – as if we are a child or irrational. It actually adds fuel to the turbulence in our head and makes it even stronger.

What is Calm
Take a moment and think about what does “Calm” means to you ? When did you last experience it ? For me, I am calm when I am safe at my home with my family free from any sort of stress, to-dos, worries or any other strong feeling good or bad. However calm is not just absence of anger. Its a state of mind thats serene and tranquil. It becomes challenging to remain clam in difficult situations. Its a skill which needs to be cultivated and can be done with mindfulness.

How to be calm
Being calm at home with life is going in auto-pilot is easy. However, when the storm rages and there is a crisis it becomes impossible to be calm. Remember that sickening feeling in the stomach ? It happens to all of us and thats how our body is designed by default. However, the default design of our body is pretty old some 20000 years old and is designed for running or freezing after noticing a predator in the wild. These primitive use cases are not valid anymore hence, we need to re-wire ourself.

Breathing
When there is stress, our body goes on high alert and there is a different protocol of handing information. The breathing changes and there is a flood of hormones. Our heartbeat goes high and body needs more oxygen and we get a sensation as if we are running out of breath. We cannot control the hormones, but we can definitely change the pattern of breath.

The model I recommend is slowing down the breath wherein take deep breaths and release slowly. This gives the body enough time to absorb all the oxygen needed and also slows down the heart rate. Then tell yourself “Be calm”. It really helps if you say to yourself instead of someone else. Do not react to the situation unless absolutely needed. Always respond to a situation. There is a difference between reacting and responding. More on it here.

There would be negative thoughts like “I cannot handle this, Its too difficult.” In these cases, its best to remind yourself of the past where you have handled situations like this or even grimmer. Do not let these negative thought run in infinite loop as they form a strong whirlpool and suck you into it.

Self-believe
Always have immense believe in yourself. No one is perfect and everyone is different. Stop comparing yourself with others and delete the thought that someone else might handle the situation better than you. Always, handle the situation head on and use all your training, experience and mind. Take some time to think, mostly its ok to slow down and evaluate the best route. Once you start practicing the above model multiple times, you’ll keep getting better and be calm in even stormy situations.